perhaps if only you understood.

Date: Saturday, November 28, 2009 || Time: 10:17 PM

I deleted the previous post. I did a thorough soul-searching and I was really in the wrong then. I really didn't think of the dire consequences that followed my horrible actions. Why did I harbour such thoughts? I really don't know. One thing is for sure, I have really disappointed everyone around me; my parents, my aunt and even my brother. Everything you said is true and I didn't know why I couldn't think of that. Looking back at my actions, I was really selfish. Damn selfish. And I am truly sorry for whatever that I have done. I really am. I promise I will try to change myself so that such things will never happen again. Never.

And now, I'm regretting my actions so much.

Ibu, I am very very sorry. You are really the best mother anyone could ever ask for and me & adik will always love you forever. I am sorry for harbouring such thoughts and yes, it was an overlook on my part. I forgot about the countless sacrifices that you make for the whole family. Ibu, I give you A+ for all the things that you have done for us. In fact, I can't grade you for all that you have done. I'm sorry and I love you ♥

Date: Tuesday, November 24, 2009 || Time: 11:53 PM

I am freaking bored so I am going to take 7 minutes to finish this post before I turn on the television and eat my lunch/dinner/supper. As you can see I have not eaten my lunch and dinner. Probably because I have spent the whole day watching Hong Kong dramas. Speaking of which, Beyond The Realm of Conscience or BTROC for short is really, really good. My type of show, really. Oh, I was down with fever yesterday which could be probably due to over-exposure to the sea breeze during CG BBQ. But, I am alright now (:

3 more minutes. My brother is going to Hong Kong this Saturday for some band exchange programme and I will sure miss him so damn much. I wonder how I can survive 5 days without disturbing/provoking him. I know you won't be reading this brother but I really hope the trip will be a good one for one and we all hope that you will return home in one piece.

And to conclude of,

TJ 103 ♥

Date: Monday, November 23, 2009 || Time: 12:27 AM

I just had a great time just now at Pasir Park. We had CG barbeque and it was damn fun.We came quite early I guess and yeah, we (the one entity) had to help collect the food and yada yada yada. The funny part was starting the fire. All of us were first timers when it comes to starting a proper fire for a BBQ. So it was quite chaotic. Plus, the ever-strong wind was blowing at an unsually high speed that the fire starters went off the moment it was lit. But being the smart kids as we are, we somehow managed to block the wind. And thanks to the girls, the fire was started (I was helping to block the wind, so technically I was not slacking) And for a moment we thought it was going to rain because the ominous, black clouds were looming right above where our pit was. Thank god, the wind blew them to some unknown place and the BBQ could continue.

I personally thought we had quite a lot of food so much so there was a pack of uncooked chickens. But we managed to finish off the rest. And I did not know what got over me to help cook the food. Why? Because usually during our family BBQ/chalet, I would just help out for just a short while because of the smoke. Yup, my shirt stank afterwards.

So basically, the BBQ is sort of a farewell BBQ for Nat who would be going to Australia to continue her studies. All the best Nat! CG 21/09 will miss you (:

And speaking of BBQ, I got a chalet on the 4th to the 6th of December, a BBQ on 10th December and 27th February. I swear I will grow sick of BBQ-ing.

Night ♥

Date: Thursday, November 19, 2009 || Time: 12:04 AM

Talk to me someone :|

Date: Monday, November 16, 2009 || Time: 11:38 AM

I didn't get through OGL interview. Yes I'm feeling a little disappointed but in fact, I'm more pissed than disappointed. When I looked at the finalised list of OGLs, I can assure you 9 out of 10 is either from 13, 17 or 29. I don't know if there is some kind of conspiracy or whatever but I thought it's really unfair. I mean, I can guarantee I can come down for any trainings or whatever anytime they want. Now I am more than convinced how unfair the world is.

Date: Sunday, November 15, 2009 || Time: 8:49 PM

I know I am VERY lag but,

PW IS OVER!

Gosh. The moment the examiners thanked us for our presentation, I was really happy. I'm not trying to scare the JC1s-to-be, but PW can be very very scary. The questions this year were kind of okay so I don't know what will come out next year. No more seeing of GIs, A&Es and substantiation of ideas. No more PI, GPP, WR, I&R and OP anymore. I'm really hoping for at least an A or worst, B. Nothing less than that.

And with the end of PW, I really hope to spend more time improving on the other subjects. From Promos, I realised that I really can do it if I put my everything in it. I don't want anymore regrets next year. From MCTs to A levels next year, I am going to make sure that my grades are consistently improving and in 2011, I am going to see that straight As in my result slip.

So what if I got 7 distinctions for O levels?
So what if I got 6 points for O levels?
So what if I got to one of the top JCs in Singapore?

I mean, all that would be meaningless if my A level grades are lousy right? But I know I can do it, even my family says so. So I am going to start studying Biology first and memorise every single thing before school reopens.

On a separate note, I am VERY VERY VERY free during the holidays. So I really hope to be an OGL because for one, the trainings and all can help me occupy my free time meaningful. Speaking of which, I thought my interview was okay. Though my answers could be better. And no, I refuse to work because if I do, I would have no time to revise my work. But if anyone wants to go out during the holidays, do remember to tell me. School officially reopens on 12th January 2010. That's almost 2 more months.

And to all graduated secondary school students, do attend TJC Open House on 9th January 2010.

/edit
I am starting to love Biology more and more. And no, this isn't some reverse psychology thing to make me love Biology. O&C of eukaryotes/prokaryotes first.
(:

Date: Monday, November 9, 2009 || Time: 6:02 PM

2 more days, few more rehearsals and that's it. But let's leave that till Wednesday alright. I shall dedicate a whole post about PW by the end of this week. It's the year end holidays and boy, time really flies. I bet it wouldn't be long before I'll be mugging for my A levels. Well, now that the holidays are here, I might as well do some soul searching and find out where I went wrong. Yup, my school holidays this time round would be mugging, mugging and more mugging. I'll be super free this holiday since I didn't manage to get into TIP. Don't intend to work because I'll be super tired. Super tired = cannot study = A levels results at stake.

But I'm proud of myself because I completed the first holiday assignment (:

Proper post coming up after OH-PEE.